I want a drink. I really really do. This week has blown big time. The last few weeks actually haven’t been that great. Life has had its ups and downs, but really?! I KNOW, I do, that others in this world are suffering, are hungry, are dying, are persecuted. Complaining is a release I need. Just to say “Hey, this sucks.”
First, I found out last week that a friend has breast cancer. She’s known for a month. Our friendship has fallen so far off track that she didn’t even tell me until a month after the fact, and after she decided to have a double mastectomy, about a week before her surgery. A year ago, I would have been the first person she told. Today, I was the last one to find out. We’re not close anymore, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m trying to forgive her for letting our friendship die in the first place, but it’s hard. Even finding out she has cancer, it’s hard and I’m frustrated. What am I supposed to do?
On top of all of this, I’m not sleeping very well. I get maybe five hours a night, and I’m just exhausted. I get home and think “oh, I’ll go to bed early.” Do I? Nope. I stay up, because the caffeine I drank to stay awake hours earlier is still in my bloodstream. Even today, I went for a run, two miles and still not tired. Well, I’m tired, but I’m not sleepy. Same thing happened last night.
Overall, my issue isn’t really with work. Granted, I’m frustrated but can fix it. I’m frustrated with some of my friends. Some of them are great, the rest? Well, the rest I’m trying to see and hang out with. But everything else in their life takes precedence. Mine does too, don’t get me wrong. But really? You cannot have coffee with me for a few hours? I have a LOT OF SHIT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT! I AM TRYING TO TALK TO YOU! I NEED SOMEONE! Argh.
All of this leads to: I don’t believe in Karma. I think things just happen, and you have to deal with it. Good, bad, ugly. I believe in things being fair, and justice for those who do wrong. That’s why I don’t watch the news. Because justice hardly ever wins. I was going to say “never wins” but I don’t think that’s 100% true.
I just…yeah. This week, this month, so far most of this year hasn’t been that great.